Just some things some of you may or may not know about me...i dunno if this will make me sound totally psychotic but o well. some of this is not for the squeamish.
I have a lip picking issue. I pick alllll day long everyday. If its bleeding i still keep picking and end up with blood all over my hands. i have done this since i was little and i have no clue why. anxiety? understimulation? dunno. but because i have done this for so long, my upper (center) lip is completely numb from the build up of scar tissue and therefore i can pick even more without feeling pain. also from pushing on it so much to get the little bits of skin off (that i created) my one tooth on top is getting pushed backward. so i have a retainer to try and help keep it where its at.
Also, I have a hair pulling issue.
I pull at all the hair on my body, arm hair, eyebrows, my hairline, you name it. and pull it out in clumps. this IS from stress/anxiety. but even when on meds i still do it from time to time. its so stupid and self destructive but i cannot stop. im like in a trance when i do it and if someone calls me out on it i get super defensive, and irritable with them. this is why most times my arms are shaved. because otherwise i would pull those hairs out all day. its too much of a temptation.
I also have a problem with being overcritical with myself. ill look in the mirror and like many women, not be happy with what i see. but i take it one step further. i obsess about my weight all day, yet still feel compelled to eat A LOT of food. to be honest, i eat about 3000+ calories a day...so really i think i have a fast metabolism and am suprised im not 400 lbs. although 190 isnt good. i also watch my vlogs and grimace when i see how i talk and move my mouth. so weird.
any ideas on how i can get rid of these compulsions? (for free)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I Have Weird Dreams!!!
I know its common for people to have weird dreams every now and then... but every night?
This is a summary of my dreams over the past 5 days... does someone have an overactive imagination??
Day 1: I stole 75$ and a hat
Day 2: One of my friends from youtube got violently ill, and couldnt keep anything down, and I was desperate to get her to eat something before she perished.
Day 3: I went on a date with a person im related to :o( (ummm ew!)
Day 4: I couldnt find a parking spot at school and when i finally did it was in the very closest spot to the school entrance and i was just about to pull in when my car shut off and broke down. then a suburban whipped right into my spot. and a girl walking by said "that sucks"
Day 5: I had insatiable thirst and no matter how many cups of water i drank it wouldnt go away. Also I had a dream about crazy bugs and lizards in my house and my husband and i had to stop them before they took over...some of them were even atacking us and it was very suspensful. lol.
Any ideas as to why I have a strange dream every night, and almost always have?
This is a summary of my dreams over the past 5 days... does someone have an overactive imagination??
Day 1: I stole 75$ and a hat
Day 2: One of my friends from youtube got violently ill, and couldnt keep anything down, and I was desperate to get her to eat something before she perished.
Day 3: I went on a date with a person im related to :o( (ummm ew!)
Day 4: I couldnt find a parking spot at school and when i finally did it was in the very closest spot to the school entrance and i was just about to pull in when my car shut off and broke down. then a suburban whipped right into my spot. and a girl walking by said "that sucks"
Day 5: I had insatiable thirst and no matter how many cups of water i drank it wouldnt go away. Also I had a dream about crazy bugs and lizards in my house and my husband and i had to stop them before they took over...some of them were even atacking us and it was very suspensful. lol.
Any ideas as to why I have a strange dream every night, and almost always have?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Money :/, Post Partum Depression Update, and .... School?
k. money sucks. when you dont have it. lol.
when i have money, im pretty sure is DOES buy me happiness haha.
anyhow i just am really relieved to report that on the money front, tyler and i are taking some important steps in managing our money, and trying to fix things as well. It makes us feel good when we handle things appropriately. of course, im not going into personal details on here, but lets just say we are human and arent perfect, but we are certainly beginning our journey to financial freedom.
one of my confessions money-wise... is i am a wendy's addict. yeah, its a problem.
On another front, I went to see my doc about the PPD, and am happy to say that it is going well with the meds i am on, however in a few weeks she would like to see me again in case we may go up in dosage. just to get rid of that last little bit that is lingering around. One of the things i struggled with while dealing with PPD is breastfeeding. i will be doing Jordan's 3 month update and a breastfeeding update soon, as well as a video update, for those of you that prefer that blogging style.
And yet another "thing"...
January=new years resolution. Mine? To begin online schooling to get a degree... and finish my schooling for once in my life. Ive used Penn Foster before, and it is an accredited school, recognized by and ran in the state of PA and is all online. I just didnt finish it last time. like everything else. but im determined this time. im sick of being the girl who doesnt stick with things and finish things i start. What degree? you may ask.... this has yet to be finalized but i am most likely going for my associates degree in Early Childhood Ed.
That is all I have to update ya'll on, but know that there is another blog coming very soon :o)
Question of the (day) Blog post:
Have you thought about a New Years Resolution? (if not- you may wanna start... its right around the corner!) If so, what is it ?!
when i have money, im pretty sure is DOES buy me happiness haha.
anyhow i just am really relieved to report that on the money front, tyler and i are taking some important steps in managing our money, and trying to fix things as well. It makes us feel good when we handle things appropriately. of course, im not going into personal details on here, but lets just say we are human and arent perfect, but we are certainly beginning our journey to financial freedom.
one of my confessions money-wise... is i am a wendy's addict. yeah, its a problem.
On another front, I went to see my doc about the PPD, and am happy to say that it is going well with the meds i am on, however in a few weeks she would like to see me again in case we may go up in dosage. just to get rid of that last little bit that is lingering around. One of the things i struggled with while dealing with PPD is breastfeeding. i will be doing Jordan's 3 month update and a breastfeeding update soon, as well as a video update, for those of you that prefer that blogging style.
And yet another "thing"...
January=new years resolution. Mine? To begin online schooling to get a degree... and finish my schooling for once in my life. Ive used Penn Foster before, and it is an accredited school, recognized by and ran in the state of PA and is all online. I just didnt finish it last time. like everything else. but im determined this time. im sick of being the girl who doesnt stick with things and finish things i start. What degree? you may ask.... this has yet to be finalized but i am most likely going for my associates degree in Early Childhood Ed.
That is all I have to update ya'll on, but know that there is another blog coming very soon :o)
Question of the (day) Blog post:
Have you thought about a New Years Resolution? (if not- you may wanna start... its right around the corner!) If so, what is it ?!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Oh Facebook Ads, You Continue To Amuse Me
We all see them to the right of our screen... well, facebook users anyway. But how does facebook know allll about us (or think they do?)...
Its all in the demographics, people.
For example, take Sally, who is a 35 year old single woman. Thats all she put into her facebook demographics. and so, naturally she wants hot single doctors and a hollywood drink diet. because apparently if youre 35 and single, youre also fat... and poor.
Or take me, for example, a 21 year old married mother of 2 boys... apparently, i want "free diapers for a year, really!" or "get 32 portraits for 32 percent off!". Or other recipe, homemaking, and BORING ads.
Maybe, facebook... just maybe, i want a pair of stilettos. or maybe, i like to work on cars...
another ?....
when i sign in to my hubbys facebook, to clear his messages for him since he only goes through his phone... why are his ads still "girls gone wild" and, "private chat with wild teen girls" ... apparently facebook needs to up their morals if they think that a 21 year old mom is a frumpy baby machine, but a 21 year old dad didnt have enough sizzle in his life.
just a thought. thats all for today lol.
Its all in the demographics, people.
For example, take Sally, who is a 35 year old single woman. Thats all she put into her facebook demographics. and so, naturally she wants hot single doctors and a hollywood drink diet. because apparently if youre 35 and single, youre also fat... and poor.
Or take me, for example, a 21 year old married mother of 2 boys... apparently, i want "free diapers for a year, really!" or "get 32 portraits for 32 percent off!". Or other recipe, homemaking, and BORING ads.
Maybe, facebook... just maybe, i want a pair of stilettos. or maybe, i like to work on cars...
another ?....
when i sign in to my hubbys facebook, to clear his messages for him since he only goes through his phone... why are his ads still "girls gone wild" and, "private chat with wild teen girls" ... apparently facebook needs to up their morals if they think that a 21 year old mom is a frumpy baby machine, but a 21 year old dad didnt have enough sizzle in his life.
just a thought. thats all for today lol.
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