Just some things some of you may or may not know about me...i dunno if this will make me sound totally psychotic but o well. some of this is not for the squeamish.
I have a lip picking issue. I pick alllll day long everyday. If its bleeding i still keep picking and end up with blood all over my hands. i have done this since i was little and i have no clue why. anxiety? understimulation? dunno. but because i have done this for so long, my upper (center) lip is completely numb from the build up of scar tissue and therefore i can pick even more without feeling pain. also from pushing on it so much to get the little bits of skin off (that i created) my one tooth on top is getting pushed backward. so i have a retainer to try and help keep it where its at.
Also, I have a hair pulling issue.
I pull at all the hair on my body, arm hair, eyebrows, my hairline, you name it. and pull it out in clumps. this IS from stress/anxiety. but even when on meds i still do it from time to time. its so stupid and self destructive but i cannot stop. im like in a trance when i do it and if someone calls me out on it i get super defensive, and irritable with them. this is why most times my arms are shaved. because otherwise i would pull those hairs out all day. its too much of a temptation.
I also have a problem with being overcritical with myself. ill look in the mirror and like many women, not be happy with what i see. but i take it one step further. i obsess about my weight all day, yet still feel compelled to eat A LOT of food. to be honest, i eat about 3000+ calories a day...so really i think i have a fast metabolism and am suprised im not 400 lbs. although 190 isnt good. i also watch my vlogs and grimace when i see how i talk and move my mouth. so weird.
any ideas on how i can get rid of these compulsions? (for free)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I Have Weird Dreams!!!
I know its common for people to have weird dreams every now and then... but every night?
This is a summary of my dreams over the past 5 days... does someone have an overactive imagination??
Day 1: I stole 75$ and a hat
Day 2: One of my friends from youtube got violently ill, and couldnt keep anything down, and I was desperate to get her to eat something before she perished.
Day 3: I went on a date with a person im related to :o( (ummm ew!)
Day 4: I couldnt find a parking spot at school and when i finally did it was in the very closest spot to the school entrance and i was just about to pull in when my car shut off and broke down. then a suburban whipped right into my spot. and a girl walking by said "that sucks"
Day 5: I had insatiable thirst and no matter how many cups of water i drank it wouldnt go away. Also I had a dream about crazy bugs and lizards in my house and my husband and i had to stop them before they took over...some of them were even atacking us and it was very suspensful. lol.
Any ideas as to why I have a strange dream every night, and almost always have?
This is a summary of my dreams over the past 5 days... does someone have an overactive imagination??
Day 1: I stole 75$ and a hat
Day 2: One of my friends from youtube got violently ill, and couldnt keep anything down, and I was desperate to get her to eat something before she perished.
Day 3: I went on a date with a person im related to :o( (ummm ew!)
Day 4: I couldnt find a parking spot at school and when i finally did it was in the very closest spot to the school entrance and i was just about to pull in when my car shut off and broke down. then a suburban whipped right into my spot. and a girl walking by said "that sucks"
Day 5: I had insatiable thirst and no matter how many cups of water i drank it wouldnt go away. Also I had a dream about crazy bugs and lizards in my house and my husband and i had to stop them before they took over...some of them were even atacking us and it was very suspensful. lol.
Any ideas as to why I have a strange dream every night, and almost always have?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Money :/, Post Partum Depression Update, and .... School?
k. money sucks. when you dont have it. lol.
when i have money, im pretty sure is DOES buy me happiness haha.
anyhow i just am really relieved to report that on the money front, tyler and i are taking some important steps in managing our money, and trying to fix things as well. It makes us feel good when we handle things appropriately. of course, im not going into personal details on here, but lets just say we are human and arent perfect, but we are certainly beginning our journey to financial freedom.
one of my confessions money-wise... is i am a wendy's addict. yeah, its a problem.
On another front, I went to see my doc about the PPD, and am happy to say that it is going well with the meds i am on, however in a few weeks she would like to see me again in case we may go up in dosage. just to get rid of that last little bit that is lingering around. One of the things i struggled with while dealing with PPD is breastfeeding. i will be doing Jordan's 3 month update and a breastfeeding update soon, as well as a video update, for those of you that prefer that blogging style.
And yet another "thing"...
January=new years resolution. Mine? To begin online schooling to get a degree... and finish my schooling for once in my life. Ive used Penn Foster before, and it is an accredited school, recognized by and ran in the state of PA and is all online. I just didnt finish it last time. like everything else. but im determined this time. im sick of being the girl who doesnt stick with things and finish things i start. What degree? you may ask.... this has yet to be finalized but i am most likely going for my associates degree in Early Childhood Ed.
That is all I have to update ya'll on, but know that there is another blog coming very soon :o)
Question of the (day) Blog post:
Have you thought about a New Years Resolution? (if not- you may wanna start... its right around the corner!) If so, what is it ?!
when i have money, im pretty sure is DOES buy me happiness haha.
anyhow i just am really relieved to report that on the money front, tyler and i are taking some important steps in managing our money, and trying to fix things as well. It makes us feel good when we handle things appropriately. of course, im not going into personal details on here, but lets just say we are human and arent perfect, but we are certainly beginning our journey to financial freedom.
one of my confessions money-wise... is i am a wendy's addict. yeah, its a problem.
On another front, I went to see my doc about the PPD, and am happy to say that it is going well with the meds i am on, however in a few weeks she would like to see me again in case we may go up in dosage. just to get rid of that last little bit that is lingering around. One of the things i struggled with while dealing with PPD is breastfeeding. i will be doing Jordan's 3 month update and a breastfeeding update soon, as well as a video update, for those of you that prefer that blogging style.
And yet another "thing"...
January=new years resolution. Mine? To begin online schooling to get a degree... and finish my schooling for once in my life. Ive used Penn Foster before, and it is an accredited school, recognized by and ran in the state of PA and is all online. I just didnt finish it last time. like everything else. but im determined this time. im sick of being the girl who doesnt stick with things and finish things i start. What degree? you may ask.... this has yet to be finalized but i am most likely going for my associates degree in Early Childhood Ed.
That is all I have to update ya'll on, but know that there is another blog coming very soon :o)
Question of the (day) Blog post:
Have you thought about a New Years Resolution? (if not- you may wanna start... its right around the corner!) If so, what is it ?!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Oh Facebook Ads, You Continue To Amuse Me
We all see them to the right of our screen... well, facebook users anyway. But how does facebook know allll about us (or think they do?)...
Its all in the demographics, people.
For example, take Sally, who is a 35 year old single woman. Thats all she put into her facebook demographics. and so, naturally she wants hot single doctors and a hollywood drink diet. because apparently if youre 35 and single, youre also fat... and poor.
Or take me, for example, a 21 year old married mother of 2 boys... apparently, i want "free diapers for a year, really!" or "get 32 portraits for 32 percent off!". Or other recipe, homemaking, and BORING ads.
Maybe, facebook... just maybe, i want a pair of stilettos. or maybe, i like to work on cars...
another ?....
when i sign in to my hubbys facebook, to clear his messages for him since he only goes through his phone... why are his ads still "girls gone wild" and, "private chat with wild teen girls" ... apparently facebook needs to up their morals if they think that a 21 year old mom is a frumpy baby machine, but a 21 year old dad didnt have enough sizzle in his life.
just a thought. thats all for today lol.
Its all in the demographics, people.
For example, take Sally, who is a 35 year old single woman. Thats all she put into her facebook demographics. and so, naturally she wants hot single doctors and a hollywood drink diet. because apparently if youre 35 and single, youre also fat... and poor.
Or take me, for example, a 21 year old married mother of 2 boys... apparently, i want "free diapers for a year, really!" or "get 32 portraits for 32 percent off!". Or other recipe, homemaking, and BORING ads.
Maybe, facebook... just maybe, i want a pair of stilettos. or maybe, i like to work on cars...
another ?....
when i sign in to my hubbys facebook, to clear his messages for him since he only goes through his phone... why are his ads still "girls gone wild" and, "private chat with wild teen girls" ... apparently facebook needs to up their morals if they think that a 21 year old mom is a frumpy baby machine, but a 21 year old dad didnt have enough sizzle in his life.
just a thought. thats all for today lol.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Blake
Im going to be doing a video about Blake (for his 20 months update) soon, but i just wanted to type up some of the cute or funny or peculiar things he does/says...
hmmm lets see... blake blake blake. he is one of the worlds funniest children in my eyes, of course. just his personality makes me laugh. he lights up so many peoples worlds.
things blake does that are unusual for a toddler:
he LOVES having his nails clipped... he will put out each individual finger for me to clip the nail when he sees me pull out the clippers.
he stands still as a statue to have his hair clipped
he LOVES when he has to take medicine and says mmmm afterwards
he has no problem with naps (thus far) and when i say nap he marches straight to his room. ( i credit lots of "sleep training" when he was a baby for that)
he gets so excited to brush his teeth... and cries when i take the toothbrush away
he likes to notify everyone when he has to poop and does it in the middle of the room with a worried look on his face (most toddlers hide)... he also sometimes wants to hold my hand much like a laboring woman when he pushes :P
he loves to blow his nose
he loves peas, because his first word was ball and we called them "balls" and ever since then he scarfs down his little green balls and loves them... he also loves green beans because he watched me eat them and say "mm"
he will eat ANYTHING .. even if he makes a face, he will try his best to eat the whole portion.
he eats VERY large quantities, and is rarely picky
we have to remind him to sip from his cup during his meal by saying blake can you take a drink? even if his mouth is so dry he can barely swallow.
Just cute stuff...
he calls Jordan "baby guy" because he couldnt say "boy" (at the time) and since then we call Jordan "Guy" all the time... like "can you put Guy in his car seat Tyler?" just casually and we dont think twice about it.. but we always have to explain it when ppl ask why we are calling him that.
we asked him the other day if he knew where Liz was and he pointed to me and tyler and he pointed to tyler...we never knew that he knew us as anything other than momma and dadda.
anything with wings is "buh uh fly" (butterfly) for instance, i was at one of my last prenatal appts during the past pregnancy, and there was halloween window decals in the waiting room. there were pumpkins and bats and witches. he ran over and made everyone there laugh by pointing at the bats and saying excidedly buhuhfly momma buhuhfly....just like snowflakes are "stars" and anything circular (even a circular dent in the wall or a hole somewhere) is "ball"
to jump, he thinks squats are the same thing (he cant get his feet off the ground) and when i say jump he will do these squats until he is so out of breath, then will stand up and look at me with concern and hold his thighs like they hurt lol.
o man i could go on and on... but i will save some for another day when Jordan isnt hungry "this second" :) hope you enjoyed
hmmm lets see... blake blake blake. he is one of the worlds funniest children in my eyes, of course. just his personality makes me laugh. he lights up so many peoples worlds.
things blake does that are unusual for a toddler:
he LOVES having his nails clipped... he will put out each individual finger for me to clip the nail when he sees me pull out the clippers.
he stands still as a statue to have his hair clipped
he LOVES when he has to take medicine and says mmmm afterwards
he has no problem with naps (thus far) and when i say nap he marches straight to his room. ( i credit lots of "sleep training" when he was a baby for that)
he gets so excited to brush his teeth... and cries when i take the toothbrush away
he likes to notify everyone when he has to poop and does it in the middle of the room with a worried look on his face (most toddlers hide)... he also sometimes wants to hold my hand much like a laboring woman when he pushes :P
he loves to blow his nose
he loves peas, because his first word was ball and we called them "balls" and ever since then he scarfs down his little green balls and loves them... he also loves green beans because he watched me eat them and say "mm"
he will eat ANYTHING .. even if he makes a face, he will try his best to eat the whole portion.
he eats VERY large quantities, and is rarely picky
we have to remind him to sip from his cup during his meal by saying blake can you take a drink? even if his mouth is so dry he can barely swallow.
Just cute stuff...
he calls Jordan "baby guy" because he couldnt say "boy" (at the time) and since then we call Jordan "Guy" all the time... like "can you put Guy in his car seat Tyler?" just casually and we dont think twice about it.. but we always have to explain it when ppl ask why we are calling him that.
we asked him the other day if he knew where Liz was and he pointed to me and tyler and he pointed to tyler...we never knew that he knew us as anything other than momma and dadda.
anything with wings is "buh uh fly" (butterfly) for instance, i was at one of my last prenatal appts during the past pregnancy, and there was halloween window decals in the waiting room. there were pumpkins and bats and witches. he ran over and made everyone there laugh by pointing at the bats and saying excidedly buhuhfly momma buhuhfly....just like snowflakes are "stars" and anything circular (even a circular dent in the wall or a hole somewhere) is "ball"
to jump, he thinks squats are the same thing (he cant get his feet off the ground) and when i say jump he will do these squats until he is so out of breath, then will stand up and look at me with concern and hold his thighs like they hurt lol.
o man i could go on and on... but i will save some for another day when Jordan isnt hungry "this second" :) hope you enjoyed
Friday, November 12, 2010
Post-Partum Depression
NOTE:
Please do not read this if you have a judgmental nature. i need support, not condescending remarks, and i dont need ppl thinking im crazy. i just want to be open about something that is very raw, honest, and painful. please be respectful. thank you!
When i got pregnant with Blake, i was completely naive as to what motherhood would be like. i thought it was going to be a cake walk. everyone said it was hard, but something in my mind just couldnt grasp the fact that being home all day could be hard. and that my emotions and mental state could do things i didnt have control over AT ALL.
I was shocked, when they placed Blake on my chest and i felt distant and cold towards him. i felt like the most awful cold hearted mother alive. i thought it would get better. so the first week went by, and i started falling into this deep depression. i would sit and hold blake and almost enjoy his crying. i wanted to hurt him, yet felt so guilty for thinking that way. when he cried i just wanted to smack him. and that is the honest truth of my post partum depression after i had him. i just wanted him to stop crying. but when he did i wanted to make him cry. and when he cried i would cry all day with him. obviously this isnt normal. but i told tyler and we struggled for months. i lied to my doctor at my 6 week post partum checkup when she asked how i was doing.. im doing great! im so happy!
i WANTED her to see through it. but she didnt. so months went by, with many serious days where tyler had to come home from work becuase if i held blake for one more minute i would literally go crazy. and although blake WAS colicky, once it stopped i found reasons why everything was his fault. i have no idea where this deep resentment of him came from... but it was there.
i broke down and felt almost suicidal many times. there were times where i felt we should all not be living. which is ridiculous, but i was sick. very very sick. i am fearful of what people will think of me after they read this, and yet... i think it could help some new moms go get the help they need and deserve.
finally i snapped so bad that tyler told me i needed to get help. it took 6 months. SIX. thats so wrong. i do blame myself for lying about it but i also think i was very obvious... and i was just praying for someone to reach out to me. and then when ppl did- i pushed them away.
so i got put on an anti anxiety/depression pill that i had been on in high school. it helped a lot. it didnt make it go away completely, but it took the "edge" off.
we then concieved Jordan. i went off my pills during the pregnancy. i had the most horrible withdrawal and wouldnt wish those symptoms on ANYONE. everytime i moved or my eyes shifted i would get these electrical shock like feelings thrugh my body. i thought i was going INSANE. but i wasnt...turns out this happens to a lot of ppl. i decided that although those pills worked great, i would never go on them again because those 3 weeks of withdrawal were HELL.
So then came the birth of Jordan. I actually did much better depression wise this time around... even though jordans colic was worse. but then slowly but surely it crept up on me again and i just put down my pride and called the doc right away. since i was breastfeeding i was put on a different pill anyhow. after a week i felt some difference but it took about a full month to really turn around.
even though its common to have a mental type disorder like this one, its still embarrassing. ppl hear depression and they think "nut case". and in some ways they are right. but its still an illness, and a very disabling one at times. there are times where it took everything i had to get out of bed and feed my children. like it was such a chore. NOT out of laziness...
but out of hopelessness. like things will never make me happy. why should i get out of bed if as soon as i do, the day will turn to shit. that negativity just crushed me. people would visit and our house was a wreck. i would make excuses. but the real reason was that i just couldnt do more than the basic tasks to function. without tyler.... God only knows.
but now, with the help of low dose medicine, im a different person. at least i feel that way.
and thats a great thing :)
i can be the mother i want to be! i can be the wife i want to be!
but i also want to remember how i felt. not feel it, but remember it. so that when i see someone struggling with depression (in any form), i can give my sympathy and compassion, and kind attention. it is worth a life, people, it really is.
Please do not read this if you have a judgmental nature. i need support, not condescending remarks, and i dont need ppl thinking im crazy. i just want to be open about something that is very raw, honest, and painful. please be respectful. thank you!
When i got pregnant with Blake, i was completely naive as to what motherhood would be like. i thought it was going to be a cake walk. everyone said it was hard, but something in my mind just couldnt grasp the fact that being home all day could be hard. and that my emotions and mental state could do things i didnt have control over AT ALL.
I was shocked, when they placed Blake on my chest and i felt distant and cold towards him. i felt like the most awful cold hearted mother alive. i thought it would get better. so the first week went by, and i started falling into this deep depression. i would sit and hold blake and almost enjoy his crying. i wanted to hurt him, yet felt so guilty for thinking that way. when he cried i just wanted to smack him. and that is the honest truth of my post partum depression after i had him. i just wanted him to stop crying. but when he did i wanted to make him cry. and when he cried i would cry all day with him. obviously this isnt normal. but i told tyler and we struggled for months. i lied to my doctor at my 6 week post partum checkup when she asked how i was doing.. im doing great! im so happy!
i WANTED her to see through it. but she didnt. so months went by, with many serious days where tyler had to come home from work becuase if i held blake for one more minute i would literally go crazy. and although blake WAS colicky, once it stopped i found reasons why everything was his fault. i have no idea where this deep resentment of him came from... but it was there.
i broke down and felt almost suicidal many times. there were times where i felt we should all not be living. which is ridiculous, but i was sick. very very sick. i am fearful of what people will think of me after they read this, and yet... i think it could help some new moms go get the help they need and deserve.
finally i snapped so bad that tyler told me i needed to get help. it took 6 months. SIX. thats so wrong. i do blame myself for lying about it but i also think i was very obvious... and i was just praying for someone to reach out to me. and then when ppl did- i pushed them away.
so i got put on an anti anxiety/depression pill that i had been on in high school. it helped a lot. it didnt make it go away completely, but it took the "edge" off.
we then concieved Jordan. i went off my pills during the pregnancy. i had the most horrible withdrawal and wouldnt wish those symptoms on ANYONE. everytime i moved or my eyes shifted i would get these electrical shock like feelings thrugh my body. i thought i was going INSANE. but i wasnt...turns out this happens to a lot of ppl. i decided that although those pills worked great, i would never go on them again because those 3 weeks of withdrawal were HELL.
So then came the birth of Jordan. I actually did much better depression wise this time around... even though jordans colic was worse. but then slowly but surely it crept up on me again and i just put down my pride and called the doc right away. since i was breastfeeding i was put on a different pill anyhow. after a week i felt some difference but it took about a full month to really turn around.
even though its common to have a mental type disorder like this one, its still embarrassing. ppl hear depression and they think "nut case". and in some ways they are right. but its still an illness, and a very disabling one at times. there are times where it took everything i had to get out of bed and feed my children. like it was such a chore. NOT out of laziness...
but out of hopelessness. like things will never make me happy. why should i get out of bed if as soon as i do, the day will turn to shit. that negativity just crushed me. people would visit and our house was a wreck. i would make excuses. but the real reason was that i just couldnt do more than the basic tasks to function. without tyler.... God only knows.
but now, with the help of low dose medicine, im a different person. at least i feel that way.
and thats a great thing :)
i can be the mother i want to be! i can be the wife i want to be!
but i also want to remember how i felt. not feel it, but remember it. so that when i see someone struggling with depression (in any form), i can give my sympathy and compassion, and kind attention. it is worth a life, people, it really is.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Makeup is the New Finger Paint!
So i have one hour. where blake will play in this room next to me and jordan will sleep. i realize this is my window of opportunity to get a shower and get dressed. but instead, i bring you this blog! talk about DEDICATION... lol.
so im gonna start from saturday. this past weekend was amazing (in my opinion). Jordan slept 7 hours at a stretch, and then 3, so i felt really good and rested. i took care of the boys and tyler worked that morning. he came home at 11:30. we just simply had a wonderful day of relaxation, the four of us time, and laughs!
saturday evening we got some dinner and came back to our nice smelling house (one of those glade plug ins - apple cinnamon- is who i have to thank) and went to bed. 7+3 hours later we once again felt rested (thank you Jordan!) and got ready for the day. oh how i love sundays, because tyler is home in the AM!
Sunday was so lovely. i called my mom and asked what she was doing, because tyler gave me some spending money :D and i wanted to go to the mall. Tyler would stay home with blake, and work on the house while he napped, and i would take jordan along with me. my mom was free! YAY! i havent shopped with her in FOREVER. So we met up at the mall and the first place we went was the motherhood maternity store. because i wanted to look at nursing bras. none of them fit right, nor were comfortable. so i looked at the nursing shirts...SUCCESS... 3 brand spankin new nursing shirts... which i absolutely love, and actually feel pretty (somewhat) in. yeah, as far as nursing bras are concerned... i have three from target that i absolutely LOVE. so go there!
I sat on a bench and nursed Jordan, and then We went to Sephora and played around a little in makeup. nothing too exciting, but for me it was! i had so much fun with my mom. then came home to another relaxing evening!
Jordan slept well again into monday, and i (this was a miracle) managed to have both the boys fed and changed AND myself showered and dressed even with makeup by ten am.! I have the time change to thank for that. I woke up on the right side of the bed for once, and the day was perfect in my eyes, until lunch.
I went downstairs for 15 minutes to make myself some rice, and prepare blakes lunch. i left blake in our bedroom. usually he plays with the toys he has in a basket in there. not this time. i came happily in the door with both our lunches, and i stopped in my tracks. he had my makeup bag on the floor, everything pulled out of it and scattered, two lipsticks chopped off and lying on the carpet, and was digging his fingers into my concealor stick and wiping it all over our cream colored sheet as if it were finger paint. he has lipstick all over his mouth and teeth, and concealor covering both hands. Now, of course, this is amusing, but at the time- i was furious. especially since he ruined two somewhat expensive products i purchased the day before.
I put our food down and scolded him and slapped his hand because he continued doing it. he then sat down and wailed while i attempted to clean things up with baby wipes. Jordan begins screaming, and blake sees his food and remembers that he is hungry so he begins to bawl harder... it was a mess.
so i sat him on the bed and fed him, followed by me nursing jordan and shoving rice in my mouth at the same time. from that point on in the day blake became the brattiest kid EVER. mind you, he is getting his "canine" teeth in and this is the only time he has ever "teethed" as far as symptoms go. so i think that may have had something to do with it. either way i couldnt wait for tyler to get home. until he texted me that he was staying at work late. I then blocked out my mind, and pushed through the rest of the day trying not to think or feel...and just taking it hour by hour. it was so much better when tyler arrived, as it always is.
we didnt get as much sleep last night but still had more than we were used to. so far this morning has been somewhat smooth. except that tyler works late again, but we will manage.
even though this week was out to a rough start, i am still in awe of how happy this past weekend made me. and glad that i finally had one weekend where NOTHING went wrong... that was just.... awesome!
I will probably be doing my next post on Post Partum Depression unless of course something amusing or crazy happens between now and then. see ya!
so im gonna start from saturday. this past weekend was amazing (in my opinion). Jordan slept 7 hours at a stretch, and then 3, so i felt really good and rested. i took care of the boys and tyler worked that morning. he came home at 11:30. we just simply had a wonderful day of relaxation, the four of us time, and laughs!
saturday evening we got some dinner and came back to our nice smelling house (one of those glade plug ins - apple cinnamon- is who i have to thank) and went to bed. 7+3 hours later we once again felt rested (thank you Jordan!) and got ready for the day. oh how i love sundays, because tyler is home in the AM!
Sunday was so lovely. i called my mom and asked what she was doing, because tyler gave me some spending money :D and i wanted to go to the mall. Tyler would stay home with blake, and work on the house while he napped, and i would take jordan along with me. my mom was free! YAY! i havent shopped with her in FOREVER. So we met up at the mall and the first place we went was the motherhood maternity store. because i wanted to look at nursing bras. none of them fit right, nor were comfortable. so i looked at the nursing shirts...SUCCESS... 3 brand spankin new nursing shirts... which i absolutely love, and actually feel pretty (somewhat) in. yeah, as far as nursing bras are concerned... i have three from target that i absolutely LOVE. so go there!
I sat on a bench and nursed Jordan, and then We went to Sephora and played around a little in makeup. nothing too exciting, but for me it was! i had so much fun with my mom. then came home to another relaxing evening!
Jordan slept well again into monday, and i (this was a miracle) managed to have both the boys fed and changed AND myself showered and dressed even with makeup by ten am.! I have the time change to thank for that. I woke up on the right side of the bed for once, and the day was perfect in my eyes, until lunch.
I went downstairs for 15 minutes to make myself some rice, and prepare blakes lunch. i left blake in our bedroom. usually he plays with the toys he has in a basket in there. not this time. i came happily in the door with both our lunches, and i stopped in my tracks. he had my makeup bag on the floor, everything pulled out of it and scattered, two lipsticks chopped off and lying on the carpet, and was digging his fingers into my concealor stick and wiping it all over our cream colored sheet as if it were finger paint. he has lipstick all over his mouth and teeth, and concealor covering both hands. Now, of course, this is amusing, but at the time- i was furious. especially since he ruined two somewhat expensive products i purchased the day before.
I put our food down and scolded him and slapped his hand because he continued doing it. he then sat down and wailed while i attempted to clean things up with baby wipes. Jordan begins screaming, and blake sees his food and remembers that he is hungry so he begins to bawl harder... it was a mess.
so i sat him on the bed and fed him, followed by me nursing jordan and shoving rice in my mouth at the same time. from that point on in the day blake became the brattiest kid EVER. mind you, he is getting his "canine" teeth in and this is the only time he has ever "teethed" as far as symptoms go. so i think that may have had something to do with it. either way i couldnt wait for tyler to get home. until he texted me that he was staying at work late. I then blocked out my mind, and pushed through the rest of the day trying not to think or feel...and just taking it hour by hour. it was so much better when tyler arrived, as it always is.
we didnt get as much sleep last night but still had more than we were used to. so far this morning has been somewhat smooth. except that tyler works late again, but we will manage.
even though this week was out to a rough start, i am still in awe of how happy this past weekend made me. and glad that i finally had one weekend where NOTHING went wrong... that was just.... awesome!
I will probably be doing my next post on Post Partum Depression unless of course something amusing or crazy happens between now and then. see ya!
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