Ugh. Im having an emotional battle here with this breastfeeding/weaning business...
While breastfeeding, I loved it... except for feeling tied down. I still feel tied down and it really annoys me. But then there is a part of me that feels so attached to it. like here is this accomplishment I worked so hard at, why give it up now. I dont want ppl telling me my feelings are ridiculous, yet I dont want anyone telling me to continue BF'ing despite the fact that 50% of me wishes to stop.
so as you can see i am torn.
and its for completely selfish reasons too. I have no problem giving a bottle to Jordan in that respect. I know he is getting good nutrition, and he can actually make eye contact with me this way. He doesnt mind it at all. Its that when I give him a bottle, I feel SO jealous of that bottle... that hes not getting nourished from MY breast, or clutching my breast in his hands and being comforted from my own flesh. I miss that when i give him a bottle. Im now worried that I ruined my supply from bottlefeeding him for a day and only pumping 4 times.
so given my supply isnt ruined from this (and im NOT spending countless hours nursing to build it back up) i may just continue for a little longer, until I am emotionally ready to stop. I see it (weaning) happening in the near future (ie, about a month or 2 at most)...but I guess so long as my body cooperates, I will make sure im strong enough to let go.
Please, dont get all "you should breastfeed for a long time" on me... I just want to make the decision when it feels right. maybe in a month or so ill try again.
its good that he likes the bottle/formula though.