Monday, December 20, 2010

quirks, problems... whatever you wanna call it.

Just some things some of you may or may not know about me...i dunno if this will make me sound totally psychotic but o well. some of this is not for the squeamish.

I have a lip picking issue. I pick alllll day long everyday. If its bleeding i still keep picking and end up with blood all over my hands. i have done this since i was little and i have no clue why. anxiety? understimulation? dunno. but because i have done this for so long, my upper (center) lip is completely numb from the build up of scar tissue and therefore i can pick even more without feeling pain. also from pushing on it so much to get the little bits of skin off (that i created) my one tooth on top is getting pushed backward. so i have a retainer to try and help keep it where its at.

Also, I have a hair pulling issue.
I pull at all the hair on my body, arm hair, eyebrows, my hairline, you name it. and pull it out in clumps. this IS from stress/anxiety. but even when on meds i still do it from time to time. its so stupid and self destructive but i cannot stop. im like in a trance when i do it and if someone calls me out on it i get super defensive, and irritable with them. this is why most times my arms are shaved. because otherwise i would pull those hairs out all day. its too much of a temptation.

I also have a problem with being overcritical with myself. ill look in the mirror and like many women, not be happy with what i see. but i take it one step further. i obsess about my weight all day, yet still feel compelled to eat A LOT of food. to be honest, i eat about 3000+ calories a really i think i have a fast metabolism and am suprised im not 400 lbs. although 190 isnt good. i also watch my vlogs and grimace when i see how i talk and move my mouth. so weird.

any ideas on how i can get rid of these compulsions? (for  free)

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