I do not care if people laugh at this post, because i am talking about a bird...you needn't read further. This post IS in fact dedicated to our pet bird, Kevin, who died tonight at 8:37pm. Rest In Peace Kevin. This is our story of the beginning to the end with our feathered friend.
Tyler and I drop the boys off every thursday evening to his parents, so we can have some "us" time. Wouldn't you know, we randomly visit pet shops/stores to admire the cute animals frequently during this time. Its just a fun and free activity. But nearly two weeks ago, it wasn't free :) . Tyler and I were admiring 2 of the birds at the pet store. they were all baby parakeets, just a few months old. This is the first time where I was the one resisting an animal purchase, and Tyler was just smitten with the one bird. The one I liked got lost in all the other birds, so i took to liking Tyler's pick, b/c it was the different one. all the other parakeets were vivid colors of green yellow blues and purple-blues. This one was a washed out blue with a light gray. gorgeous bird...and i was never a bird lover or anything. (i later looked it up, and apparently the bird would be considered to have "dilute" markings..a recessive type thing)
Tyler had his heart set on this one. Its cere, the portion above the beak was a bright pink, indicating a girl. so we got her, a cage, all sorts of different things. We drove in the car thinking how fun it would be to name her a people name...so we decided on "kim". We got home, and got to bed late after getting the boys to bed, and setting Kim up and making her comfortable new home! We made sure to put her in our dining room, to minimize drafts from the doors, since parakeets get respiratory infections easily, i read.
The next morning, and from there on after, Kim's cere was bluish purple...indicating a boy. So Tyler and I decided on the name Kevin instead, thinking about the bird in the movie UP, and that bird was named Kevin although a girl. so we thought kevin would be fine either way haha.
Anyway, the days went on, and kevin began chirping as he got used to his surroundings. we put food in his dish, and always made sure there was water. Tyler worked ith him multiple times a day to get him used to his hand in the cage. he never once tried to bite anyone. he got out of the cage once, and i finally got him by laying a towel over him when he landed and very gently scooping him up and placing him back in his cage. we changed the newspaper in the tray, and noticed how much birds poop haha! We even covered his cage at night as they prefer.
Everything seemed fine. a few days ago, i noticed he appeared "fatter" which i now know wasnt the case at all...his feathers were ruffled, but he was actually wasting away. I had even made the comment to tyler that he must be enjoying his food-although it seemed to be scattered all over the bottom all the time, i assumed those were just the shells of the seeds he should be eating. the water level did go down very slowly though.
this morning he seemed even fatter, and was sitting on a perch, and chirping, but i didnt take much time today to look at him and talk with him like i usually do, b/c tyler and i were busy with the boys, and getting things ready to go away for the afternoon and evening. I do recall glancing at his cage right before we left to my grandparents, and seeing him sitting on the bottom of the cage. but it just didnt register at the time that that was unusual for him. I came back home (my parents drove me, as tyler went to work for the night) and was locked out of our house. after finally getting back in and setting my things down, and taking the boys upstairs. i looked in the cage and was in shock.
kevin had the water bowl sitting crooked, and the food bowl was on the bottom of the cage, with a mess all around. he was sitting quietly in the corner. his feathers were very...unhealthy...looking, and his head was cocked funny, as if he didnt have the strength to hold it up. i immediately started to cry, b/c you just know when something bad is about to happen. i opened the cage and instantly my thoughts were confirmed that something was very wrong, since he didnt even flinch or try to move away from me as usual. in fact, he let me just pick him up. i touched his chest and felt how scary boney he was, and that as big and poofy as his feathers were, he was wasted away to almost nothing.
i sat him down. i picked him up. i paced. i grabbed food and held it to him. he would blink. but he eventually got too weak to hold his body up, and just layed on the bottom of the cage. but i still saw him breathing. i called the neighbors, no one answered, looked outside, realized no one was home. i dunno why i needed someone there. i knew it was inevitable he was going to die. i just couldnt bear doing nothing while he was still breathing. i called my friend megan and started bawling saying i didnt know what to do. i basically vented. she was at work, and i needed to get the boys to bed, so we hung up. it was nice to hear someone elses voice. at this point the boys are playing upstairs and its bedtime. but i just couldnt put them to bed yet. not while a life is slipping away in my home.
i went outside took some deep breaths and wnt to the other neighbors. they didnt laugh at me, or make me feel stupid. she brought her phone and phone book and came in my toddler destroyed house and tried to talk to me, and called multiple vets. none were of any help. she was on the phone for a little while. and during this time i went to the basement and brought up a heating pad we rarely use, and put it on the counter, and grabbed a cozy hand towel and a tupperware container. i was going to warm kevin up in the towel, place it in the container as a kind of nest, and place that on the heating pad set on very low. she was hanging up with the vet, and i was crying, holding him in my hands in the towel. he flustered his feathers, turned his head. blinked and looked at me....then he closed his eyes. i placed him in the container, only to realize he had stopped breathing seconds before. i was heart broken. a life slipped right out of my hands.
i walked my neighbor back to her house and she hugged me as i continued to sob. but i also felt a small amount of relief. that i wouldnt have to panic of what to do any longer. my son poked his head out the front door to the porch, and said "where kebin go? what kebin DOIN?" i sobbed and said kevin went bye byes to the sky. and he looked to the sky and said "bye bye kebin bye bye butterfly...momma kebin up der!?" i said yes blake. and said thank you to my neighbor. i put the boys to bed, and now i am writing this b.c it makes me feel a lot better. i still feel lousy...but lighter at least.
i am still wondering what kevin died from. at first i was thinking he starved to death, making us think he was eating and there were shells on the bottom of his cage, but not actually eating....but then i realized he pooped quite a bit. then i thought of the dehydration....and im still not sure. but i think the most likely thing, and especially since they are prone to this...is a respiratory infection, which made him eat less, and waste away, not having strength anymore. his feathers decieved us into thinking he was largr than life. but in all reality i know now that he was sick days ago. and for this i feel guilty. had i known, i would have taken him to the vet right away. but regardless a life is lost, no matter how small...and this family is mourning it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Surrogacy Diaries...6 GREAT NEWS!
So I was feeling really discouraged last time we talked ;)
But I finally have the news I was waiting for...and its awesome!! It feels so good to finally have good news. I do have *some* negative thoughts in my head though, which I will share later on in this passage. So I have been waiting and waiting and WAITING to hear from my agency, telling me whether I have been approved or declined to move forward with the clinic they had in mind...that they "knew" would accept me.
I FINALLY got the email I had been waiting for. "good news" it was entitled, and when seeing it paired with my lawyers email name, I felt my heart thud. This is what Ive been waiting so anxiously for for WEEKS!!! The ONE day I didn't check my email for hours lol. Above it, there was an email from the agency coordinator entitled "good news" as well. I opened the one from my trusted lawyer first. It explained how I have been approved as a surrogate to move forward with the testing process with this clinic. I was elated!!! I then opened the message from My coordinator saying that he was thrilled to get to work with me and that I have been matched with C-the IF...and his wife....WAIT WHAT??
I wasn't matched yet....I mean I knew they wanted to match me to this couple but I wasnt aware that it was official nor did I ever phone-meet with them...so I was a little confused...I emailed the name with a question mark...They said OH! meet C...and his wife (who apparently doesnt speak english so he does most of the surrogacy related stuff) A chinese couple, who are going to use an egg donor and the IF's sperm, and do PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis) to get boy baby(s). I was sent the profile, and told that we are going to be matched unless of course we find something we completely disagree on. I have to admit, I really liked their profile, and all their preferences. I didnt really mind the PGD thing, although a touchy topic for some.
They said that a phone conference call would be made to make sure the IP's and I are on the same page, and answer any questions about eachother we may have, and to decide officially if we want to work with eachother or not. based on our basic beliefs and opinions however, so far it looks like a yes.
So I am excited as you may have gathered :o) ... there is one thing I am a little worried about though, but I cant make an accurate assumption until IVE experienced it. The clinic, which I googled, has almost nothing but negative reviews...the chief reasons being, it is chaotic, they can be unorganized-going as far as missing womens' ovulation times sometimes, for not returning calls and explaining consistently what the next steps are. I prolly read the same things in reviews 30 times. and only found 2 reviews that were positive. So now I am not sure what to think, although like i said, i will be anxious to check it out for myself, and form my own opinion. I think having an agency will help too, because if it is as the reviews describe, I will need someone whose got my back and can push them to call me or whatever :o)
So yeah! thats my good news :o) And I should be hearing back from the clinic soon on when and where to get labs drawn (bloodwork) to begin the testing phase!!! :o) then the next phase would be medications, and the transfer following! YIPPEEEEEE :D
But I finally have the news I was waiting for...and its awesome!! It feels so good to finally have good news. I do have *some* negative thoughts in my head though, which I will share later on in this passage. So I have been waiting and waiting and WAITING to hear from my agency, telling me whether I have been approved or declined to move forward with the clinic they had in mind...that they "knew" would accept me.
I FINALLY got the email I had been waiting for. "good news" it was entitled, and when seeing it paired with my lawyers email name, I felt my heart thud. This is what Ive been waiting so anxiously for for WEEKS!!! The ONE day I didn't check my email for hours lol. Above it, there was an email from the agency coordinator entitled "good news" as well. I opened the one from my trusted lawyer first. It explained how I have been approved as a surrogate to move forward with the testing process with this clinic. I was elated!!! I then opened the message from My coordinator saying that he was thrilled to get to work with me and that I have been matched with C-the IF...and his wife....WAIT WHAT??
I wasn't matched yet....I mean I knew they wanted to match me to this couple but I wasnt aware that it was official nor did I ever phone-meet with them...so I was a little confused...I emailed the name with a question mark...They said OH! meet C...and his wife (who apparently doesnt speak english so he does most of the surrogacy related stuff) A chinese couple, who are going to use an egg donor and the IF's sperm, and do PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis) to get boy baby(s). I was sent the profile, and told that we are going to be matched unless of course we find something we completely disagree on. I have to admit, I really liked their profile, and all their preferences. I didnt really mind the PGD thing, although a touchy topic for some.
They said that a phone conference call would be made to make sure the IP's and I are on the same page, and answer any questions about eachother we may have, and to decide officially if we want to work with eachother or not. based on our basic beliefs and opinions however, so far it looks like a yes.
So I am excited as you may have gathered :o) ... there is one thing I am a little worried about though, but I cant make an accurate assumption until IVE experienced it. The clinic, which I googled, has almost nothing but negative reviews...the chief reasons being, it is chaotic, they can be unorganized-going as far as missing womens' ovulation times sometimes, for not returning calls and explaining consistently what the next steps are. I prolly read the same things in reviews 30 times. and only found 2 reviews that were positive. So now I am not sure what to think, although like i said, i will be anxious to check it out for myself, and form my own opinion. I think having an agency will help too, because if it is as the reviews describe, I will need someone whose got my back and can push them to call me or whatever :o)
So yeah! thats my good news :o) And I should be hearing back from the clinic soon on when and where to get labs drawn (bloodwork) to begin the testing phase!!! :o) then the next phase would be medications, and the transfer following! YIPPEEEEEE :D
Friday, April 29, 2011
The Only Regret I Have.
I need to let this one go....so here it is :/
Here i am surrounded by all these people getting married... it is something thats been heavy on my heart for a while now but i never saw the point in bringing it up. i am so thankful for our marriage and our kids and our life. i want to be honest with you. although i think our wedding was cute and neat....i regret not having the wedding i dreamed of growing up. i know it was my idea to just get married sooner than later...but now its proving to be one of the biggest regrets of my life...
it was such a HUGE milestone and we didnt celebrate the way id always dreamed of. im sitting here bawling my eyes out...because i know it will never happen. it is something i posted on a wedding site forum a while ago and am just now reading the responses. i asked if it would be okay to just have a vow renewal/redo so we could have the dress the party and the fun. the result was a big resounding NO! many of the people were very harsh telling me in other words that im being selfish and superficial. I just cant help how i feel. so now that i know that that idea is completely socially unacceptable, im just mourning the loss of a childhood princessy dream of my daddy walking me down the aisle and giving me away.
some people reading this may be rolling their eyes or whatever...but i am very down about it. i know i need to just look forward and move on, but every time i see wedding pictures of people surrounded by all their friends and family and the radiant bride in her beautiful wedding gown, i get a pang in my gut. not jealousy...b/c their wedding isnt what i envisioned....just regret. and i never thought i would have a regret in my life like that. sorry if this is meaningless to the reader.
...its just something i needed to get out.
Here i am surrounded by all these people getting married... it is something thats been heavy on my heart for a while now but i never saw the point in bringing it up. i am so thankful for our marriage and our kids and our life. i want to be honest with you. although i think our wedding was cute and neat....i regret not having the wedding i dreamed of growing up. i know it was my idea to just get married sooner than later...but now its proving to be one of the biggest regrets of my life...
it was such a HUGE milestone and we didnt celebrate the way id always dreamed of. im sitting here bawling my eyes out...because i know it will never happen. it is something i posted on a wedding site forum a while ago and am just now reading the responses. i asked if it would be okay to just have a vow renewal/redo so we could have the dress the party and the fun. the result was a big resounding NO! many of the people were very harsh telling me in other words that im being selfish and superficial. I just cant help how i feel. so now that i know that that idea is completely socially unacceptable, im just mourning the loss of a childhood princessy dream of my daddy walking me down the aisle and giving me away.
some people reading this may be rolling their eyes or whatever...but i am very down about it. i know i need to just look forward and move on, but every time i see wedding pictures of people surrounded by all their friends and family and the radiant bride in her beautiful wedding gown, i get a pang in my gut. not jealousy...b/c their wedding isnt what i envisioned....just regret. and i never thought i would have a regret in my life like that. sorry if this is meaningless to the reader.
...its just something i needed to get out.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Surrogacy Diaries...5 Supportive People
Someone asked me (yet again) under my latest video how i could give "up" the baby. I replied, honestly.
If you would like to see the actual comments exchanged, they are some of the very first on this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN1__bUrYF4
Just a little bit ago, I received this sweet message (used with permission). It actually brought a tear to my eye. I love connecting with people, for whatever the reason...
"I just watched your lates video. You are the first woman that I have heard admit that we are not always attached to our babies at birth. I felt that way with all four of my children. I loved them as soon as I knew I was pregnant, but not the way I do now. Hearng this from some one else made me feel less guilty, knowing I'm not the only one. ! tried to be a surrogate for 2 years and I have gone through 3 agencies. The first agency accepted my applcation, but couldn't use me unless they had ALL of my OB records. You would think it would be easy to get since they are yours, but that was not the case. The second agency was okay. They would find me potential matches and then their clinics wouldn't want me because I had a section with my oldest, because my children where too "large", or because they wanted all my records too.After that I decided to try one more agency and if it happened great, if not maybe it wasn't ment to be. I applied at my agency on Jan 1, 2011, and I am now matched:) The contracts have been signed and I fly out for my medical screening on Monday. I wish you the best of luck and I kow it's going to happen for you. Just hang in there:)!!"
I replied with this....
"I always am scared that people will take that the wrong way and think i dont love them. that couldnt be farther from the truth! i LOVE my boys with all my heart...and soul...and then some...but at birth, i just wasnt there. i didnt feel like i knew them. of course i loved them then, but i wasnt attached, nor was i bonded.
If you would like to see the actual comments exchanged, they are some of the very first on this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN1__bUrYF4
Just a little bit ago, I received this sweet message (used with permission). It actually brought a tear to my eye. I love connecting with people, for whatever the reason...
"I just watched your lates video. You are the first woman that I have heard admit that we are not always attached to our babies at birth. I felt that way with all four of my children. I loved them as soon as I knew I was pregnant, but not the way I do now. Hearng this from some one else made me feel less guilty, knowing I'm not the only one. ! tried to be a surrogate for 2 years and I have gone through 3 agencies. The first agency accepted my applcation, but couldn't use me unless they had ALL of my OB records. You would think it would be easy to get since they are yours, but that was not the case. The second agency was okay. They would find me potential matches and then their clinics wouldn't want me because I had a section with my oldest, because my children where too "large", or because they wanted all my records too.After that I decided to try one more agency and if it happened great, if not maybe it wasn't ment to be. I applied at my agency on Jan 1, 2011, and I am now matched:) The contracts have been signed and I fly out for my medical screening on Monday. I wish you the best of luck and I kow it's going to happen for you. Just hang in there:)!!"
I replied with this....
"I always am scared that people will take that the wrong way and think i dont love them. that couldnt be farther from the truth! i LOVE my boys with all my heart...and soul...and then some...but at birth, i just wasnt there. i didnt feel like i knew them. of course i loved them then, but i wasnt attached, nor was i bonded.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Surrogacy Diaries...4 Update and Anticipation
Alright... Since I have last posted, quite a bit has changed in a short period of time. At first, these changes were hurtful (although not intended to be), and confusing...now I realize that this is just something that God wanted, and I will be led to where I should be.
What has happened?
Well, I sent the IP's my medical records. They were up front with me in saying that my first pregnancy (even though it wasn't that bad) may raise some red flags with their Dr. So when I got the email saying their Dr. reviewed my records and they cannot unfortunately move forward with me...it wasn't a huge shock. But I still shed some tears. I felt so connected with them, so...happy. But even though I don't fully understand why, I am perfectly okay with it now. As my IM told me: "when one door closes another opens". I believe that to be the case.
So I have made the decision to strictly stick with the lawyer/agency ...I will refer to her as "H" until I have permission to use her name. She truly is a wonderful person. She gave me the profile that same day of a couple who lives in a relatively nearby city (in my state). I told her about what happened with my medical records, and she really didn't see it as being an issue for most, so that relieved me...I am determined to do this for someone!
She sent my profile to that couple, and she emailed me 2 days later saying they LOVED it! YEAY! Here we go again, lol. Oh well...at least I can bond with people easily right?? "H" said the couple would like to have a conference call on friday (tomorrow) at 10AM :D I agreed, as this is when Guy goes down for his morning nap. So it should go smoothly.
Also, yesterday I had my annual PAP. She did my checkup, my blood pressure was 110/60 .. and at the end shook my hand, and was ready to walk out when I finally had the courage (yes, courage....Dr's stun me into silence for some reason) to say
"I have a question.."
"Sure- go ahead"
"Uhm..Do you.. Do you think I would be okay to be pregnant again?"
"Hold on" sits down "let me take a look at your chart"...."is there a reason why you feel you shouldnt??"
"OH...no, haha, its for a surrogate pregnancy...I am ready to do this and just want to make sure its not out of the question for whatever reason"
"Ah..." looks for a couple minutes .. "I dont see why not.." finally looks up from my chart and smiled (me-sigh of relief) "Yeah, I definitely think that it something you could do"
Then she stared at me for what felt like forever, and I felt like I should be saying something. so I said
"you must think it is strange..what im doing..then?"
She seemed to snap out of her staring session and smiled big
"no...actually...I think.. (say it lady) .. its a very selfless thing to do"
Wow took her long enough to say it...and the way she walked towards me i had this strange feeling that she had a woman-crush on me HAHA! Im probably totally wrong, as she is married with 3 boys, and the sweetest of all the Dr's there...but it was just funny how she said it and walked toward me :P
So that made me super duper happy...that my Dr. thinks its something I am fully capable of and healthy enough to do! SUCCESS!
Its the small things that count.
I will update after friday's conference call!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Surrogacy Diaries...3 *MEDICAL RECORDS*
POOP.
That is what I have to say about my first Dr. (the one I had with Blake's pregnancy and birth, and half of my pregnancy with Jordan....) Many of you have been following me since then, and know how RIDICULOUS they were!! They constantly lost my chart, or pages therein, couldn't get anything right, and were completely lacking in bedside manner (i.e. the midwife who told me to shut up when I was moaning during pushing.)
Well, I never really expected to deal with them again, of course- I forgot I would need them for their records on me for the surrogacy.
GREAT. The very thing they screwed up much of the time. So, I asked for my medical records, they didn't charge me (which was nice) and sent them the next day (which was very nice). What WASNT nice, is how disorganized they seemed when they arrived, and the fact that they didnt READ what was sent to them apparently.
With my first pregnancy with Blake, they speculated that I had 2 TIA's (transient ischemic attacks....aka mini temporary strokes) B/C I had 2 severe migraines that had speech confusion accompanying them. VERY scary, but not harmful, like a TIA. They of course referred me to a neurologist, and they ran a bunch of tests, and ruled out the TIA, as well as stated that I had very severe migraines (with reading too much the day before as possible triggers - i read a 500 page novel in one day lol) with "aura" which is strange symptoms occuring either before or during the migraine.
NOW...here is the part that (pardon me) pisses me off....
They, After recieving this information from the neurologist, CONTINUED to write constantly in my chart that I had a history of TIA's!!! Yea sure, make me look like a prize catch to my IM's Dr. who will be reviewing this. The only good thing about this is that my neurology report is included (suprisingly).
Then we have the "heat stroke" with "seizures" sitting once or twice in there.....ummmm in 07 I went to a truck show with my current boyfriend, and suffered from heat exhaustion and the shakes....*SIGH* If I have to go to the carlisle hospital (which is kinda far away) to get THOSE records, I will for SURE be outraged at this Dr's office lol.
Next we have the "heart issues"....In the beginning with my pregnancy with Blake, they wanted my entire medical history, so I gave it to them....Including the fainting episodes I had whn I was 14. I had low blood pressure, but did a tilt table test (which I failed- I passed out) but no one ever knew why....after ultrasounds ECG's etc, I was ruled as "fine"...my palpitations possibly being related to anxiety. I state this one time,....and now it runs rampant through my records...so they send me to a heart Dr. and What do you know....Im fine. Luckily they included that report of I think I would have a heart attack. But yet they still continued to refer to these heart "issues".
And finally the "pre-eclampsia"....I took so many 24 hour urine tests with this Dr.....and NONE of them came back that I was peeing protein or my liver or kidneys were affected....everything was..... yep you guessed it.....FINE. all my levels were normal in every part of the labs included in my records, but my BP was trending upwards, and at the very end was pretty high. yet they still called it preeclampsia here, and hypertension of pregnancy there....But it the hospital induction report, luckily they said that I was brought to be induced b/c of pregnancy induced hypertension.
I seriously think i had high blood pressur b/c of how confusing and unorganized this Dr. was. I am so glad I finally switched. The worst of it all, which the chart does not reflect, is how they talked to me....talked down to me. I am hoping everything works out. I LOVE the IP's I have, and it would suck to ruin it b/c of my Dr.'s incapabilities.
THANK GOD I switched Doctors, and had a wonderfully smooth pregnancy the second time around. I was able to relax and enjoy it. For that, I am very grateful.
WOW. I feel so much better now that I ranted on here. shew. Plus I wanted to Document every step of this process, so that if I go through it again, I am knowing what to expect. And if you made it this far, Thank you, and you are amazing.
That is what I have to say about my first Dr. (the one I had with Blake's pregnancy and birth, and half of my pregnancy with Jordan....) Many of you have been following me since then, and know how RIDICULOUS they were!! They constantly lost my chart, or pages therein, couldn't get anything right, and were completely lacking in bedside manner (i.e. the midwife who told me to shut up when I was moaning during pushing.)
Well, I never really expected to deal with them again, of course- I forgot I would need them for their records on me for the surrogacy.
GREAT. The very thing they screwed up much of the time. So, I asked for my medical records, they didn't charge me (which was nice) and sent them the next day (which was very nice). What WASNT nice, is how disorganized they seemed when they arrived, and the fact that they didnt READ what was sent to them apparently.
With my first pregnancy with Blake, they speculated that I had 2 TIA's (transient ischemic attacks....aka mini temporary strokes) B/C I had 2 severe migraines that had speech confusion accompanying them. VERY scary, but not harmful, like a TIA. They of course referred me to a neurologist, and they ran a bunch of tests, and ruled out the TIA, as well as stated that I had very severe migraines (with reading too much the day before as possible triggers - i read a 500 page novel in one day lol) with "aura" which is strange symptoms occuring either before or during the migraine.
NOW...here is the part that (pardon me) pisses me off....
They, After recieving this information from the neurologist, CONTINUED to write constantly in my chart that I had a history of TIA's!!! Yea sure, make me look like a prize catch to my IM's Dr. who will be reviewing this. The only good thing about this is that my neurology report is included (suprisingly).
Then we have the "heat stroke" with "seizures" sitting once or twice in there.....ummmm in 07 I went to a truck show with my current boyfriend, and suffered from heat exhaustion and the shakes....*SIGH* If I have to go to the carlisle hospital (which is kinda far away) to get THOSE records, I will for SURE be outraged at this Dr's office lol.
Next we have the "heart issues"....In the beginning with my pregnancy with Blake, they wanted my entire medical history, so I gave it to them....Including the fainting episodes I had whn I was 14. I had low blood pressure, but did a tilt table test (which I failed- I passed out) but no one ever knew why....after ultrasounds ECG's etc, I was ruled as "fine"...my palpitations possibly being related to anxiety. I state this one time,....and now it runs rampant through my records...so they send me to a heart Dr. and What do you know....Im fine. Luckily they included that report of I think I would have a heart attack. But yet they still continued to refer to these heart "issues".
And finally the "pre-eclampsia"....I took so many 24 hour urine tests with this Dr.....and NONE of them came back that I was peeing protein or my liver or kidneys were affected....everything was..... yep you guessed it.....FINE. all my levels were normal in every part of the labs included in my records, but my BP was trending upwards, and at the very end was pretty high. yet they still called it preeclampsia here, and hypertension of pregnancy there....But it the hospital induction report, luckily they said that I was brought to be induced b/c of pregnancy induced hypertension.
I seriously think i had high blood pressur b/c of how confusing and unorganized this Dr. was. I am so glad I finally switched. The worst of it all, which the chart does not reflect, is how they talked to me....talked down to me. I am hoping everything works out. I LOVE the IP's I have, and it would suck to ruin it b/c of my Dr.'s incapabilities.
THANK GOD I switched Doctors, and had a wonderfully smooth pregnancy the second time around. I was able to relax and enjoy it. For that, I am very grateful.
WOW. I feel so much better now that I ranted on here. shew. Plus I wanted to Document every step of this process, so that if I go through it again, I am knowing what to expect. And if you made it this far, Thank you, and you are amazing.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Surrogacy Diaries...2
So....I have an inspiration for writing a blog today :o)
spill it, Liz
You push too hard, really. :P
IM MATCHED!!!! Yes! That's right! Im TAKEN. LoL
Sooo I haven't been talking much since my last update, both video and here, for a reason. I have been trying to decide between parents...a decision I wouldn't wish on anybody!....Its SO hard to pick from a handful of amazing people who are willing to work with you. BUT I am glad I chose who I chose.. well, they chose me too :o). Its so strange. Finding a match is MUCH like dating. You have to kind of "play the field" so to speak. But honesty is SUPER important.
Of course the term "match" goes without saying that its as long as I pass all the Dr tests. "M" Is a mom of one boy ("E") and "A" is the intended father :) We have been emailing back and forth, our lawyer letting us have some space to get to know eachother...all I can say is I love talking with them!!
I got THAT email today saying they officially want to move forward. Right now I am focusing on getting my medical records sent to me, and sending them along to "M" - for her review, and so she can pass them along to her private IVF Doc.
I have my routine Pap on April 6th (cuz i knew you wanted that info :P) and will have those results sent as well.
Then I will most likely be beginning the testing process. Tyler and I both will have to have blood work (me more so than him) to rule out infectious diseases. Once (hopefully) I pass those tests, they will likely to a test to inject dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to measure the size/shape of my uterus, and make sure it is suitable for pregnancy.
Then, "M" and I will be placed on hormones and birth control to sync up our cycles, so they fall on the same days. Once this happens, they will collect the eggs and sperm of the intended parents and allow them to "do their thing" in a petri dish :D
Once there are several embabies (embryos lol) they will decide on a 3 day transfer or 5 day (this is the age of the fresh embryos, and marks their specific cell dividing stage) and I come into play :). They place up to 3 most likely 2 embabies in my uterus, and I "host" them. They will hopefully implant to the lining of my uterus, and become a viable pregnancy. Most likely there will only be one baby as a result of all this.
Then I continue hormone injections and meds until usually week 12 of the pregnancy, at which time the hormones given off by the placenta are enough to sustain the pregnancy on its own. Before that, the meds are important to "trick" my body into believing it is pregnant and not reject the pregnancy.
Sometimes, as a result of the hormones, Surros tend to get highly emotional, and sometimes "bloat up". This is just a normal temporary part of the whole thing! Once you get to the 3rd/4th month of pregnancy, you'd just carry on as if it were a normal pregnancy!
AHHHH so exciting!!!
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE:
terminology:
TS: traditional surrogate, where the surrogate mother's egg is used. I am NOT a TS.
GS: gestational surrogate, where a sperm and egg formed into an embryo which is not from the surro. I am a GS.
IM or "M": intended mother. use of her first initial is for her protection.
IF or "A": intended father. use of his first initial is used for his protection.
IP or IP's: intended parents.
IB or "E": intended brother (I may have made that up lol). Use of his first initial is used for his protection.
spill it, Liz
You push too hard, really. :P
IM MATCHED!!!! Yes! That's right! Im TAKEN. LoL
Sooo I haven't been talking much since my last update, both video and here, for a reason. I have been trying to decide between parents...a decision I wouldn't wish on anybody!....Its SO hard to pick from a handful of amazing people who are willing to work with you. BUT I am glad I chose who I chose.. well, they chose me too :o). Its so strange. Finding a match is MUCH like dating. You have to kind of "play the field" so to speak. But honesty is SUPER important.
Of course the term "match" goes without saying that its as long as I pass all the Dr tests. "M" Is a mom of one boy ("E") and "A" is the intended father :) We have been emailing back and forth, our lawyer letting us have some space to get to know eachother...all I can say is I love talking with them!!
I got THAT email today saying they officially want to move forward. Right now I am focusing on getting my medical records sent to me, and sending them along to "M" - for her review, and so she can pass them along to her private IVF Doc.
I have my routine Pap on April 6th (cuz i knew you wanted that info :P) and will have those results sent as well.
Then I will most likely be beginning the testing process. Tyler and I both will have to have blood work (me more so than him) to rule out infectious diseases. Once (hopefully) I pass those tests, they will likely to a test to inject dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes to measure the size/shape of my uterus, and make sure it is suitable for pregnancy.
Then, "M" and I will be placed on hormones and birth control to sync up our cycles, so they fall on the same days. Once this happens, they will collect the eggs and sperm of the intended parents and allow them to "do their thing" in a petri dish :D
Once there are several embabies (embryos lol) they will decide on a 3 day transfer or 5 day (this is the age of the fresh embryos, and marks their specific cell dividing stage) and I come into play :). They place up to 3 most likely 2 embabies in my uterus, and I "host" them. They will hopefully implant to the lining of my uterus, and become a viable pregnancy. Most likely there will only be one baby as a result of all this.
Then I continue hormone injections and meds until usually week 12 of the pregnancy, at which time the hormones given off by the placenta are enough to sustain the pregnancy on its own. Before that, the meds are important to "trick" my body into believing it is pregnant and not reject the pregnancy.
Sometimes, as a result of the hormones, Surros tend to get highly emotional, and sometimes "bloat up". This is just a normal temporary part of the whole thing! Once you get to the 3rd/4th month of pregnancy, you'd just carry on as if it were a normal pregnancy!
AHHHH so exciting!!!
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE:
terminology:
TS: traditional surrogate, where the surrogate mother's egg is used. I am NOT a TS.
GS: gestational surrogate, where a sperm and egg formed into an embryo which is not from the surro. I am a GS.
IM or "M": intended mother. use of her first initial is for her protection.
IF or "A": intended father. use of his first initial is used for his protection.
IP or IP's: intended parents.
IB or "E": intended brother (I may have made that up lol). Use of his first initial is used for his protection.
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