I need to let this one go....so here it is :/
Here i am surrounded by all these people getting married... it is something thats been heavy on my heart for a while now but i never saw the point in bringing it up. i am so thankful for our marriage and our kids and our life. i want to be honest with you. although i think our wedding was cute and neat....i regret not having the wedding i dreamed of growing up. i know it was my idea to just get married sooner than later...but now its proving to be one of the biggest regrets of my life...
it was such a HUGE milestone and we didnt celebrate the way id always dreamed of. im sitting here bawling my eyes out...because i know it will never happen. it is something i posted on a wedding site forum a while ago and am just now reading the responses. i asked if it would be okay to just have a vow renewal/redo so we could have the dress the party and the fun. the result was a big resounding NO! many of the people were very harsh telling me in other words that im being selfish and superficial. I just cant help how i feel. so now that i know that that idea is completely socially unacceptable, im just mourning the loss of a childhood princessy dream of my daddy walking me down the aisle and giving me away.
some people reading this may be rolling their eyes or whatever...but i am very down about it. i know i need to just look forward and move on, but every time i see wedding pictures of people surrounded by all their friends and family and the radiant bride in her beautiful wedding gown, i get a pang in my gut. not jealousy...b/c their wedding isnt what i envisioned....just regret. and i never thought i would have a regret in my life like that. sorry if this is meaningless to the reader.
...its just something i needed to get out.