So Friday August 15th. I remember every. single. detail. We were hanging around my and my ex's apt that evening (he was gone). I had a pet snake at the time named Sparta. He wasnt in his cage. We practically overturned the whole apt looking for him. Tyler lifted the sofa as I simultaneously found Sparta under a CD cabinet. But Tyler found an old pregnancy test (you know, the kind that come two in a box... must have taken one a while back - unfortunately while I was with my ex- and didnt need the second one, so somehow it ended up under the couch? yeah. i dunno. but it was there anyhow.) and he held it up and said... you should take this. WHY? I was on the pill so I felt i had no reason to. He said didnt you say you havent gotten ur period yet (i know, tmi) and I said well yeah but sometimes that can happen. He just handed it to me and shrugged. We hugged and kissed and said good night because he had to be at work pretty early that saturday.
He had left and I stood there holding a pregnancy test in my hand. I chucked it aside, and walked to the bathroom...but then i turned around in the hallway and went back and grabbed the test. what the heck right? i was certain i took my pills carefully. i missed one day while i was on vacation but that should not matter? as long as you take it when you remember. so i took it back to the bathroom. i peed in a cup and took some with the dropper and put it on the test. then i held the tast in my hand and (tmi again) watched the pee go across the "line area"... i wasnt even nervous...there was no way. one line.... then another...wait...yeah there is two. two means yes? omg omg omg omg omg omg omg.. that was all i could say. i sat there on the toilet not crying but saying omg in short gasps and shaking. I began hyperventilating. so i tried to work on calming my breathing but still uttered omg every few seconds.
Where was my phone?! i looked and looked for my phone. then i went in the bathroom and looked at the test again (repeat x4) and I finally found my phone in a pile of blankets. I shook as i hit the send button twice to call Tyler.
hey. (me shaking)
is everything ok??
no. you need to come back here. now.
ok ill be there in a few minutes. ( he was still on his way home)
I stood next to the front door to the apt the whole time. waiting for him to come. i heard his steps out in the hall, and started breathing heavily again...and i was somewhat wheezing... i just couldnt completely catch my breath.
He opened the door and didnt even look at what was in my hands. he just came to me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. he was wide eyed. i had no idea what he was thinking. but his hug calmed me a tad. Im pregnant i said.
look (and i raised the test so he could see)
theres definitely two lines...
yeah. youre gonna be a father.
at that he teared up a bit and just stared at me. i looked down at my belly. i reached down and pressed into it down low. it was hard. and different. i couldnt believe i hadnt noticed it. i mean it was barely anything at all but i knew my body and knew that that was always squishy. (it was rather early in my pregnancy so i have no idea how it was already a bit hardened but whatever).
We walked back to the bedroom and layed down on the bed.
he was quiet
so now what? i said.
i dunno. he said.
im keeping it. i said.
well yeah, i would hope so. he said.
are you going to stay with me?
yes liz, he kinda laughed- like i was being ridiculous.
i mean what is going to happen? i cant stay here. what will my parents think? what will your parents think?! with that out loud thought i began to cry. i barely knew his parents. or his sister.
this could be bad. so i called a friend by the name of Ruthie. She was at a bar. she had to leave to hear me right. she couldnt beleive it. but said she was here for me, and to call if i needed ANYTHING.
then i called another friend, Lauren. she was shocked... but was like it will be okay liz. if anyone can do this it is you. shes right. i tried telling myself. Tyler texted a few people. they were all guy friends of his and were shocked. and angry, becuase i had taken him away from a lot of their "guy time" and they barely knew me... but from what they DID know, i was a fresh out of an engagement unstable person (in there opinions.
I felt so uneasy. tyler finally left because he needed to sleep before work the next day. I stayed up for a bit. but eventually fell asleep. 7 AM is when i was up. and decided to just call my parents and get it over with. hello? the groggy voice came on the line.
mom- im sorry i woke you.
i need to tell you something.
(slightly annoyed) yeah?
uh...um...im - im pregnant.
oh god liz. (i hear my dad say what and she told him and i hear him mumble something)
well with who? she asked.
mom! TYLER. i am 110%. (i wasnt with my ex of course). do you still love me, mom?
of course we do. you know, just disappointed, well- i guess you will have to start being more responsible now huh?
yeah. can i move back home?
well your not staying there. yes, you cant this weekend. we will have to clean out your room. possibly next weekend.
thank you mom. and... im sorry. i love you.
i love you too.
It felt so good to know that they were told. i sent a text to my brother. and then i called my friend Holly. she comforted me and listened. When Tyler got off lunch, we met up at Friendly's for lunch with his sister. he asked her how many people were sitting at our table? she said 3....oh. omg. and she was pretty much silent the rest of the time. we all were. but the real scary thing was telling his parents. and i didnt want to be there for it...and tyler did not mind, so i went to a church camp that evening to take my mind off things. he was going to tell them.
He told them, then called me. said they wanted to know what we were planning to do as far as long term (marriage etc.) tyler said we were going to be getting a place. i was so relieved that he told them.
so i made a doc appt that monday.
the following saturday i had moved back with my parents. and had cramping so i went to the er. the ultrasound plus the following weeks routine ultrasound came up with that i was due sunday april 12th (Easter) of 2009.
To be continued, one more time...